Wednesday, March 5


(photo by Jocelyn Kinghorn via Pinterest)

We have embarked upon the path to self-sufficiency we have (tongue very firmly in cheek). We now have basil and mint herbs and are growing cress. Today I bought a bell pepper to plant up too, and I have chive and parsley seeds to plant. We are seriously contemplating a chicken. (I am anyway!) I'd quite like a rabbit too although I'm not allowed one. Pout. Oh and I bought a couple of heather plants too as they can cope with the shade (our back garden is shade heavy) and bees love them. I tentatively pointed out that if we had a goat T would never have to mow the lawn, but T put his foot down on this idea too.

I don't quite know what's going on with me. I haven't felt right for a loooong time. Lately all I can think about is having a garden, growing some of my own food, being outside, reconnecting. I think that's what I really need, to reconnect to the earth. Could it be that the reason I have been feeling so down this last year or more is because really I want/need to be outside? It's like a yearning, like a returning to something even though I wasn't there before... does that even make sense?

I've decided that I want a bike. I do live in a city where practically everyone has a bike, but not me. I've never really liked cycling. But this urge to be outside... I want to be able to cycle to the park, and go for a ride out in the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside this spring and summer. Getting a bit fitter on the side would be a nice bonus.

I dolly daydream about gardening. Today I actually asked T to take me to Yarnton nurseries and this morning I pored over a gardening catalogue whilst I drank my tea. After reading The Secret Life of Bees on my kindle I spent half of last Sunday researching bees, bee blogs, awesome things about honey and telling T that I wanted a bee hive. I am well and truly fixed on the idea of having bee friendly flowers and plants in our little back garden, anything to help the little fellas.

Am I having some sort of bizarre reverse midlife crisis? You know, instead of ditching T for a younger model and snaffling a Ferrari, I have an overwhelming need to buy a spade and grow my own courgettes! I feel as though I need to be outside, out doors. I need to be doing something. I don't want to spend 9-10 hours per day cooped up at work indoors. I don't want to do that five days a week and then spend my hard earnt money on things that are exorbitantly priced and over packaged and relatively tasteless and sprayed with god know what when potentially I could grow my own. I don't want to be inside when I could be outside. I don't want to be cooped up in a building all of the time. Aaaaggghhh I need something to change. So desperately. I need to find a new path to follow, a bright, shiny, new dream to believe in.

Somehow this giant voice inside of me head seems to think that the answer is OUT THERE...


Hook, Line and Sink Her said...

Can you maybe switch jobs to something where you work outside? I'm very much an indoors kind of girl, but know a fair few people who get a craving for the outdoors :) I do really want a pygmy goat to save cutting the lawn though! Unfortunately my T also keeps saying no :( xxx

Hazel Terry said...

Chickens are the best easy pets with a pay back of eggs You can have two or more no cockerel required :-D get chickens x
Goats ring trees and kill them beware!