We have embarked upon the path to self-sufficiency we have (tongue very firmly in cheek). We now have basil and mint herbs and are growing cress. Today I bought a bell pepper to plant up too, and I have chive and parsley seeds to plant. We are seriously contemplating a chicken. (I am anyway!) I'd quite like a rabbit too although I'm not allowed one. Pout. Oh and I bought a couple of heather plants too as they can cope with the shade (our back garden is shade heavy) and bees love them. I tentatively pointed out that if we had a goat T would never have to mow the lawn, but T put his foot down on this idea too.
I don't quite know what's going on with me. I haven't felt right for a loooong time. Lately all I can think about is having a garden, growing some of my own food, being outside, reconnecting. I think that's what I really need, to reconnect to the earth. Could it be that the reason I have been feeling so down this last year or more is because really I want/need to be outside? It's like a yearning, like a returning to something even though I wasn't there before... does that even make sense?
I've decided that I want a bike. I do live in a city where practically everyone has a bike, but not me. I've never really liked cycling. But this urge to be outside... I want to be able to cycle to the park, and go for a ride out in the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside this spring and summer. Getting a bit fitter on the side would be a nice bonus.
I dolly daydream about gardening. Today I actually asked T to take me to Yarnton nurseries and this morning I pored over a gardening catalogue whilst I drank my tea. After reading The Secret Life of Bees on my kindle I spent half of last Sunday researching bees, bee blogs, awesome things about honey and telling T that I wanted a bee hive. I am well and truly fixed on the idea of having bee friendly flowers and plants in our little back garden, anything to help the little fellas.
Am I having some sort of bizarre reverse midlife crisis? You know, instead of ditching T for a younger model and snaffling a Ferrari, I have an overwhelming need to buy a spade and grow my own courgettes! I feel as though I need to be outside, out doors. I need to be doing something. I don't want to spend 9-10 hours per day cooped up at work indoors. I don't want to do that five days a week and then spend my hard earnt money on things that are exorbitantly priced and over packaged and relatively tasteless and sprayed with god know what when potentially I could grow my own. I don't want to be inside when I could be outside. I don't want to be cooped up in a building all of the time. Aaaaggghhh I need something to change. So desperately. I need to find a new path to follow, a bright, shiny, new dream to believe in.
Somehow this giant voice inside of me head seems to think that the answer is OUT THERE...