The Pink Post

I'm bringing back The Pink Post, which started life way back when, here. Pink is a bit like Marmite really isn't it? You either love it or hate it... but I'm a fan, pink is my favourite colour! 

This weeks pinkfest is themed around self love, something I'm consciously spending more time on right now. When you neglect to look after yourself it can be the beginning of low self esteem, body confidence issues, increased anxiety and stress... not a good path.

I found a couple of good posts on the subject to share with you... How to date yourself and 100 ways to show yourself love if you hate pink and bubble baths.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5

PS. See previous The Pink Post here


Here's one I made earlier...dreamcatcher

I spent most of Sunday working on this, pretty proud of it! The pink garage underneath our flat proved to be the perfect backdrop to capture it... I used an crocheted doily (bought of ebay, I've not mastered the art of crochet) stretched and tied to a large wooden embroidery ring. I wrapped the ring in wool and then hand cut felt feathers in baby pink, hot pink and white and attached them with more wool and pretty glittery plastic beads I've had for years and years. Made ribbons by cutting up a pink floral fabric with scalloped edge scissors and tied them to the ring too.

I enjoyed making a few wall hangings earlier this year and I really enjoyed making this, more dreamcatchers and wall hangings to follow I think!

What have you been up to lately?


Happy Monday

My Happy Monday posts are my weekly record of what is making me happy at the time. This Monday it's the amazing sunshine we've been having, flowers, freshly baked baguettes, Tom, yoga (it makes me so relaxed), my new harem pants (so comfy), tea and counting down the days until we set off for Dorset.

1 Hollyhocks nearby, 2, 3

PS. See previous Happy Monday post here


An evening on the river

Yesterday evening Tom suggested going punting and as it was such a beautifully warm evening it was perfect for it so we did. We saw dragonflies skimming and dancing over the water, a pair of kingfishers darting from bank to bank, a swan family (complete with super fluffy cygnet) which followed us down the river and lots of ducks. 
Tom managed to navigate us round a completely collapsed tree that stretched the width of the river, we think it probably came down the night before in the huge thunderstorms. I dipped my feet in the river. We watched toddlers play by the riverside. We watched the sun get lower & lower, hot air balloons floating overhead and the sky slowly turning pink. 
I love how Oxford is a city in the heart of the country, you are never more than a few minutes away from nature. We had a lovely relaxing evening and came home sun-infused and happy.

Thank you for the supportive comments on my last post, they mean a lot! xxx

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It's been a loooong time, mostly due to feeling like I wasn't really alive anymore...

Yes you read that right. I really really didn't. I felt like I was just surviving. Getting up every day and just going through the mechanics.

The only emotions I would ever really feel were anger, frustration, defensiveness and sadness. Overwhelming sadness. I have spent the last god knows how many months feeling very sad, like I was grieving but didn't know for what.

I was grey. An automatron. I was depressed.

To be honest I think it's safe to say that I still am. But I've called it. I've recognised it. I am living with it instead of simply not living because I felt like i didn't know how anymore. On Monday last week I finally cracked. In an alcohol driven tantrum I broke down and told my partner how awful and low I felt. How i didn't feel alive. How I didn't feel worthy of being with him, how I didn't feel worthy of anything. How I'd thought about just not being around anymore. I threw my diary on the table and demanded that he read it so that he understood how I felt (he didn't btw!).
He held me, he told me that he didn't understand what it felt like, or why I thought I was broken, but that he loves me and that he would do whatever he could to make me feel better, to feel alive again.

That night I cracked open. It was painful and exhausting and draining but I am glad that it happened.

It was a relief to finally tell someone how I felt. It is a relief to know that he is there standing by me. It was a relief to finally own up and say out loud that things need to change. Some people suffer from severe depression and I am lucky that I am not one of those. I have a mind that errs toward melancholy though and cutting myself off from everyone, not getting any exercise, being unable to cope with stress at work, constantly comparing myself to others on social media and blogs and eating badly were destined to lead me to a dark, difficult place.
Again, I will say that I am lucky, I am one of those people that can live a relatively balanced, happy life as long as I make the effort to look after myself. And I hadn't been, for a really long time.

Since Monday I have been taking baby steps.
No alcohol. More sleep. Eating fruit & vegetables (the fruit is actually a big deal for me). Less instagram.
Reading up on things that I'm interested in (crystals, food and nutrition, tarot, shamanism) and reading things that are interesting (MindBodyGreen, fairy books, art blogs).
I've had baths rather than showers. I've watched endless murder mysteries.
I've broken out my sketch books, my pencils, my watercolour and acrylic paints.

I even attended a chakra cleanse yoga workshop which was absolutely incredible, a couple of times I almost cried with the release that took place. Amazing.

This morning I woke up early, hours before Tom and A, and inspired by an artist I've recently come across, Julia Dolowicz, I decided to draw a portrait of myself that's the me I wish to be, the me I am becoming. A drawing of my inner me I guess, I like her. I like me too, I just need to remember that.

I feel alive again, playing with my colouring in pencils and reading fairy stories like a kid. What my soul needs.

It's a struggle but i don't want to take my life for granted any more.

Surely the point of living is to really live?